Being a Menace to Society: 25 and Single in the LDS Church

Being a Menace to Society:

                I just turned 25 years old today and got to thinking about my current status of being “single”. So, what is it like to be 25 years old and not married? Well depends on whether you are part of the world or a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you are part of the world, you are still young and have PLENTY of time to get married. No rush, No worries!

However, I, being a member of the LDS faith can now be classified as a “menace to society”! Brigham Young once said… “Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty five is a menace to society”.

                But wait… did he REALLY say that? I searched the web and came back empty handed! Sure the quote exists, but it uses any age from 21-30 in place of “25”, however it does seem as if “25” is the most popular age used in the quotes… the problem? There is never a source to any of the quotes!

                I did find one interesting piece of the “puzzle”… On May 31, 1963, speaking at the Commencement Exercises as President of Brigham Young University, Ernest Wilkinson stated:

                "Of the men graduating tonight, 62 per cent are married; 38 per cent unmarried. Of the 472 women graduating, 23 per cent are married; 77 per cent single. As to the single men, I need merely to repeat the admonition attributed to Brigham Young, “Every man not married and over twenty-five is a menace to the community.” I asked Dr. Lyman Tyler yesterday if he would document this for me, but he said he had been trying to document it for years; he had given up, so you will have to accept it either on faith, or as apocryphal."

                So there you have it! It might have never been said by Brigham Young, but is it encouraged in the LDS church to be married by that age? Not exactly, but the principle is the same…. MARRIAGE is important and is not something that should be put off forever!

                Upon careful research I found a little more into the statement,  and something that can actually be verified as being true! George Q. Cannon, a church apostle, said in 1878: “I am firmly of the opinion that a large number of unmarried men, over the age of 24 years, is a dangerous element in any community.…”

                So wait, I have already been a menace for a year?!?! So confusing! But now I can really reflect on how it is to be 25, Single and LDS. Let me tell you that the feeling is not great. The church pushes marriage so much, because without marriage so many blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ can be forfeited. While being single in the LDS church is not easy, and makes the entire experience an extreme test of faith… I must remember that…

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace… He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the workthat God maketh from the beginning to the end… I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him… for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-17)

For now I just have to stay positive and know that God has a purpose for everything, and sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to go. But in the end God will reward those who were faithful in this life or the next.

Isaiah 3-4

Isaiah 3-4

Chapter 3: Judah and Jerusalem are Punished

                The Lord will take away all people of status from Jerusalem and Judah, and give babes to rule over them. The Lord will punish pride, including that of the daughters of Zion, who are wanton and mincing, and wear all manner of finery. The Lord will smite them with scabs and other afflictions. The men and the mighty shall fall in war.

Chapter 4: Zion Shall be Cleansed

The calamities of war will be so great that seven women shall be left to one man. These people were purged of filth, the Lord will bless the remnant, and the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night will be created in every dwelling place, and in all the assemblies.

“And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.” (Isaiah 4:1) This is very similar to the “Polygamy” that occurred in the LDS Church in the early days. Because of the oppression and persecution by the people and the government, many LDS members who were men were killed or imprisoned. Because of this, many women (in a time when women were not given rights without men) were forced to “marry” men in the church for legal purposes to continue to have respect and power as women. Majority of the marriages of plural wives were still monogamous in nature.

Ecclesiastes 9-10

Ecclesiastes 9-10

Chapter 9: Time and Choice Happens to All Men

                Solomon believed in enjoying life as a gift from God. The world is finite, and sin has twisted life, making it something other than what God intended. Society honors many things above wisdom such as attractiveness, wealth, popularity, and success. Solomon believed that wisdom is the greatest asset even though it often goes unrecognized.

                “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity [prideful, meaningless life]…” (Ecclesiastes 9:9) – (See Proverbs 5:18-20)

                Life is about getting married and having children… it is about spending your short life with someone that can enlighten you and make you a better person.

                “…Wisdom is better than strength: nevertheless the poor man’s wisdom is despised, and his words are not heard.” (Ecclesiastes 9:16)

                You don’t need money or fame to make you powerful and wise… even the simplest man can be filled with knowledge. This means that we need to listen to everyone and value their input.

Chapter 10: Fools Are Full of Words

                By describing circumstances that are unfair or don't make sense, Solomon is saying that wisdom alone can’t bring justice. Everything we have is nothing without God. But when he uses what little we have, it becomes all we could ever want or need. If you lack skills, you should sharpen them through training and practice. This will make you more effective for God's work.

                One particular verse really caught my eye… “A wise man’s heart is at his right hand; but a fool’s heart at his left.” (Ecclesiastes 10:2) I am not going to say it, but there is something political about this verse.

Ecclesiastes 3-4

Ecclesiastes 3-4

Chapter 3: Everything Has its Season

                In short; Solomon believed that there is a time and place for everything, whether it be good or bad. He believes that you must seek guidance from God to truly know what your path in life is.

                “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and then Solomon goes on to list all of the things that have a time and season…

                “A time to be born… a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance… A time to rend, and time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time to war and a time of peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:2-7)

                EVERYTHING has its own time and place. We need to always remember that and take Solomon’s advice that the only thing that a man/woman needs to do is “…to rejoice, and to do good in his [or her] life.” (Ecclesiastes 3:12)

                Solomon’s knowledge and wisdom was a gift from God, Solomon knew that “…whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.” (Ecclesiastes 3:14)

                This is yet again another unique LDS doctrine… the idea that anything God does, He does forever. In LDS temples throughout the world we perform sacred sealing ordinances that seal husbands, wives and families together FOREVER. When you marry someone, you marry them for ETERNITY, not just “until death do you part”

                Another interesting point that is made is in verse 15; “That which hath been now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.” (Ecclesiastes 3:15) I think this verse does the best at explaining what ETERNITY IS. Everything has its TIME and PLACE, right? Well we perceive time differently than God does. To us, Time is relative… From point A to B… whereas Time to God is really a full circle, there is no point A or B… or in other words NO beginning and NO end.

Chapter 4: Strength of 2 Is Better

Solomon believed that going to the extremes of being lazy or a workaholic is foolish and irresponsible. “…yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches…” (Ecclesiastes 4:8) The answer is to work hard but with moderation. He believed that you should take time to enjoy God's other gifts and realize that he gives us assignments and rewards, not man. Solomon believed that a person should seek God's approval above all and not recognition from man.

Solomon also tells us that “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)

Proverbs 17-18

Proverbs 17-18

Chapter 17: Friends Forever

                “Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished.” (Proverbs 17:5)

                I really love this verse, but when I read verses I often look at other translations of the same verse to see what kind of differences or possibly new interpretations of the verse exist. This particular verse had a different translation that I think really captured the message. The translation is from the Douy-Rheims Bible and is basically the same except; “…he that rejoices at another man’s ruin, shall not be unpunished.” Essentially we learn that we should never make fun of someone because of their social status and if we rejoice in seeing someone else suffer or be ruined (example: tricking them into paying you more money, taking advantage of someone) then those people will be punished for that.

                “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

                This is another verse where I hate to say it, but I like the entire translation better than the King James Version, and I REALLY like the King James Version… “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it seperates close friends.” (New Living Translation of Proverbs 17:9) When we are forgiven by others or forgiven of sin, LOVE can prosper. If we dwell on things and never let them go it will ruin relationships.

                “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

                Friends and Family are important. True friends and “brothers” (which can be both friends and family) are there for each other… ALWAYS!

                “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” (Proverbs 17:28)

                Sometimes it is just better for us to keep our mouth shut and move on. We will probably look a lot more intelligent if we do so.

Chapter 18: Find a Wife

                “The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.” (Proverbs 18:8)

                In other words… we can say that the words of the gossiper or liar will come back to hurt the one telling the stories.

                “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

                Marriage is important in the eyes of the Lord. We must get married, instead of “living” with someone.

                “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)

                If you want friends, you too must be friendly and keep the friendship going. Friendships that are not taken care of will eventually die off.

Proverbs 5-6

Proverbs 5-6

Scripture Thought (What I Learned): 

                Both Proverbs 5 and 6 have a very clear message that is directed towards men, but can easily be applied to women. That message is pretty simple; 1: Don’t fornicate or commit adultery; 2: Be careful who you marry or who you trust in general. People can deceive and have lying lips that appear to be sweet as ‘honey’ but once you partake the ‘sweet honey’ turns ‘bitter’; 3: Once you are married is important to stay married and ensure that both partners feel a strong connection on all levels that includes a very healthy sexual intimacy.

                I believe that all too often (especially in the LDS Church) that sex is talked about as something evil and perverted. Which is true if done outside of marriage, but in marriage it should be something that both husband and wife can have sexual fulfillment that will keep them from lust and sin. Eternal Marriage goes one step beyond traditional marriage in the sense that being married to someone who you can trust with your physical and spiritual life. Husband and wife should be a check and balance system to ensure that both return to our Heavenly Father and dwell in the Celestial Kingdom. God knew that man was weak, so he gave man the woman to keep man in check and ensure that we will return to live with him. Mankind in general is weak, and men and women sin. But if man and woman are bound together in Holy Matrimony they become ONE, just like God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are ONE, one in purpose.

Chapter 5: Don’t Divorce

                In this proverb we learn a lot about the importance of marriage to the right person. We also learn about the evils of the world and the ways that man can be tricked into evil ways.

                “…the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:” (Proverbs 5:3)

                Essentially this is a warning to men who may get caught in the trap of lusting after a woman who may appear to have “lips of honey” and someone who is a “smooth” talker. She may appear to be sweet, but… “…her end is bitter… sharp as a twoedged sword… her steps take hold on hell… her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.” (Proverbs 5:4-6)

                The counsel given in this proverb is very clear: “Remove thy way far from her…” (Proverbs 5:8)

                But the proverb continues to tell us who we should marry “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)

                Something very important to remember and take away from this Proverb… sex is not evil. Sex outside of marriage is evil. Those who are married should enjoy sexual intimacy between one another and if a healthy sexual relationship is balanced with all other activities of being married, spending time together, working through problems together, having children etc… then the marriage will be successful and filled with love. God does not want us engaging in sexual relations before marriage and wants to make sure that once we are married, WE STAY married. God does not like divorce.

Chapter 6: Seven things the Lord Hates

                This proverb lists seven things that the Lord hates (in my version of the Bible, which is the King James Version it tells me that there are ‘6’ things the Lord hates, I like to classify them as 7.

1.       “A proud look…” (Proverbs 6:17)

2.       “…a lying tongue…” (Proverbs 6:17)

3.       “…hands that shed innocent blood.” (Proverbs 6:17)

4.       “An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations…” (Proverbs 6:18)

5.       “…feet that be swift in running to mischief.” (Proverbs 6:18)

6.       “A false witness that speaketh lies…” (Proverbs 6:19)

7.       “…he that soweth discord among brethren.” (Proverbs 6:19)

God does not like sin, period. The laws don’t change, we either choose to follow them or we don’t. “For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:” (Proverbs 6:23)

                Essentially the law is light, we can choose how much light we want in our lives by adjusting the amount we follow the commandments (our lantern), if we chose to not follow the commandments it is like not putting any oil (or batteries) in our lamp. If we chose to follow the commandments and fill our lantern with fresh oil or batteries then we can have more of the light. If we go against this WE WILL be left in the dark. We also have to understand that criticism and even chastisement is part of life and it occurs for our own learning.

                This proverbs ends by re-addressing what we learned from Proverbs 5; that is “…whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” (Proverbs 6:32)

                Committing adultery, or fornication (sex outside of the bonds of marriage) will be wounded and dishourned and will carry that sin for life (Proverbs 6:33)

                We must remember that “…jealousy is the rage of a man…” (Proverbs 6:34)

2 Samuel 11-12

2 Samuel 11-12

Scripture Thought (What I Learned):

Chapter 11: David Lies with Bath-sheba

                The start of the chapter begins with David and his men going into battle to destroy the children of Ammon, and Rabbah. While in Jerusalem, David (from the roof top) notices a very beautiful woman bathing, her name; Bath-sheba.

                David decides that he really likes this woman and has her called into see him. He "lies" with her and she ends up conceiving a child. David calls for the Bath-sheba's husband and has him come to his home. There he gives him food and tells him to wait with him, until the morning. So Uriah (husband to Bath-sheba) stays with David, in the morning David has it arranged so Uriah will go back to battle and puts him on the front lines so that he will surely die in battle, and he does. Now David can be with Bath-sheba and have her, for himself!    

         

Chapter 12: Plural Marriage

                This chapter follows directly from the last chapter, where essentially David lusted after another man's life (against the 10 commandments) and took her to be his wife, after he arranged for her husband to be "killed" in battle.

                The Lord is not happy with this, so he sends Nathan to talk to David and this is what David said;

"...there were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor. The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds: but the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb (a young female sheep), which he had bought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. And there came a traveler unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man's lamb, and dressed it for the man who was come to him," (2 Samuel 12:1-4)

                So to sum it up, one rich man and one poor man. The rich man had everything and the poor man had nothing, except one lamb. So the rich man, instead of killing one of his own lambs for a feast decides to kill the one the poor man has and take everything from him.

                When David hears this, he is outraged and tells Nathan that the man who had done this must die! Nathan tells David that HE IS THAT MAN! Nathan tells David that the Lord had given him everything, the Lord anointed him King over Israel, gave him wives, cattle, sheep and a home. But he still had to go and despise God, by breaking one of his commandments and lusting after another man's wife. Not only did he lust after her, he committed adultery with her and then had her husband "killed" in battle so he could have her.

                So the Lord tells Nathan that because of this, he will take everything from David and his wives will be given to his neighbors. The Lord says that David committed adultery in secret, but he will punish him openly and publicly.

                So here is a question; Is plural marriage bad? The LDS church practiced plural marriage from about 1850 to 1890, the LDS church practiced plural marriage for about 4 decades. Many people condemned the church for this practice, but right here in the Bible it gives us an insight into plural marriage. We know that David had many wives, but he got in trouble for taking another wife. Why? Was it because of plural marriage? No. Because David already had wives, which the Lord had given him. So we learn that when God authorizes plural marriage it is ok. In the case of plural marriage in the LDS church, often times the woman (after having their husbands killed to mobs, who disliked the church) were left as widows. In the 1800's being a widow was not a good thing, because woman had very few rights. So the wealthier more prominent and righteous men took them into their own homes as their "wives", this gave them a place to live and a status in that era. Most of the time, the men still only had sexual relations with their original wife. Not all men in the church could have plural marriage, the prophet through the guidance of God would choose who could and could not have multiple wives. This was due to the fact that the Lord knew certain men would abuse this.

                So, moving on... David repents and feels really bad for having committed this sin.  But the Lord causes the child he had with Bath-sheba to come down with a sickness. So David fasts for several days and lays himself on the earth in prayer and sadness. Even with all this prayer and fasting, the Lord's will was different from David's and his son still passed away. But David arose from the earth, washed and anointed himself in the temple, changed his clothing and worshiped the Lord (2 Samuel 12:20) - this shows the importance of Temples, something that the LDS church has today.

                Bath-sheba was really upset (and rightfully so, her son had just died), but David comforts her and "lies down" with her, and she conceives another son, and they name the son; Solomon. The Lord is pleased with Solomon and blesses him. David conquers the Royal City of the Ammonites.